When that "I have to have another baby" feeling hits it is difficult to set it aside. It is almost as if there is some unexplainable desire inside many women that tells them exactly when it is time to have a baby. Surprising, even after one, two or even three kids many women still want to have more. Your hormones go into overdrive and you may wait each month that 'missed period' that says your dream has come true. Many women keep this desire secret while others seem happy to share it with a spouse. Even more interesting is that often it is the men who want the baby. Either way, if you want another child and your spouse is not so sure, convincing them to do so can be tricky.
It is important for parents to understand why they want another child. Okay, it may be a bit 'unexplainable' but there are many mothers who desire more children because they don't know what else to do with their time. This happens when the other kids hit school and mom finds herself not having anyone else to take care of. Having another baby can be 'job security.' Another sense that women get, although rarely admitted, is that they get lonely when the kids grow up and start doing their own thing. There is that longing for another human to coddle and nurture. Are these reasons good enough? That is up for you to decide, however each stage of parenthood comes with its pros and cons.
Another reason people want to have another baby is so that there one child is not an only child. This seems like a pretty good reason and most will agree that a house with brothers or sisters is nicer for the kids. Plus, you already have everything you need so the financial investment isn't that great. If this is the case and your partner still won't budge try to articulate how you imagine your child's life as an only child when he or she is an adult. You may also have two boys or two girls and want to mix it up genetically speaking. Be careful with this one because you don't always get what you ask for and many people find themselves for 4 or 5 boys or girls.
Convincing a spouse can be difficult and it should be something that is brutally discussed. It's easy to sit back and get angry when someone won't agree with your decision to have another child, but there is a good chance they may their reasons. It is easier to provide for fewer children or they may simply want more time with the ones they got. Each time you have more children just because you have room for more love, doesn't necessarily mean your current children are going to love splitting their time with you even more. Some parents feel this pressure to be equal and spend time with all the kids much more strongly than others. It may not be about love or the relationship and just about your spouse's feelings towards spreading themselves too thin.
It is advisable to stay away from all the arguments to having another child that claim you will do all the work blah blah blah. This will cause resentment and anger and frustration and you may find that the extra child adds just enough to your to do list that you overflow like a waterfall.
If you have to convince someone to have another child, that may be good enough reason to not open up the whole can of worms. While it is beneficial to understand why they don't want one and why you do, there is no way to meet in the middle. You can't have another child some of the time, it is an all or nothing deal. Each human has different instincts and desires when it comes to having children. Many people come into marriage with a preconceived notion of how many kids they want. Many spouses don't necessarily resent the children you do have but long for a time when they can be with their spouse again without a diapered imp sleeping in the middle. There is nothing wrong with that.
Wanting children and having them are totally different things. It is important to understand if your desires are more about something you lack or if they are truly because you don't feel your family is complete. It is important to keep the lines of communication open yet be flexible to whatever happens. There are millions of children in this world born to parents who didn't want anymore; but they realize they can't imagine their life without them now. The future can hold many things and a decision today doesn't have to feel or be a door shut. Not pushing or forcing the issue and talking openly about your feelings are the best way to deal with the decision to have another child or not.
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